Tag Archives: when men forget the meaning of religion

Dawah By Dong*

In this title I am talking about the men who are intent on spreading Islam with their man-parts, by dating and eventually converting poor, misguided women in the West.

I hesitated to write this post, despite my passion on the subject, because I, myself, was involved with a Muslim man when I converted to Islam. I’ve mentioned this before and am mentioning it again in the interest of full disclosure. I didn’t convert for this man, however, as evidenced by the fact that I rejected his marriage proposals, broke up with him soon after converting, and moved out of state to escape him, my family, and my old life in order to re-discover myself in my new, chosen, identity.  I had also been bumping up against, discovering, and delving into Islam for four years before this relationship so the brother was not my first introduction to the religion. InshAllah he will get reward though because he did help me cross that final threshold.

I also hesitated because I anticipate that this will be, possibly, an offensive topic for many out there because I very rarely, and I mean rarely, meet women who converted on their own, without being in a relationship, or already being married to a Muslim man. I identify myself as someone who came into Islam by myself, although in fact I do wallow in a gray area between due to this relationship. I can neither disregard nor completely credit the contribution of this brother for my being Muslim. But I generally count the two years between my conversion and my marriage as sufficient to identify myself as someone who came into Islam without being married to a Muslim man. You may disagree with that as you wish.

Many, many converts cannot say the same thing though, and I fear that I will marginalize or degrade their decision to convert by what I want to say in this post. I do not mean to. There is nothing to say that your Islam is less valuable because you married your husband before, or soon after, you converted.

My object of disdain is the Muslim man who dates easy, empty-headed women and then uses the leverage of “I can’t marry you because you’re not Muslim” to break it off when the poor girl gets too clingy. And who justifies his rutting around by saying that he believes she is interested in Islam and he wants to guide her. But then uses aforementioned excuse to break it off when he tires of shagging her.

And there are men who date women who aren’t even interested in Islam and then, when both are invested in the relationship, put pressure on their girlfriends to convert because he won’t marry, and make babies with, a non-Muslim. This is a very sad and unfortunate situation because the women are forced to choose between losing the man that they love or converting to a religion they don’t believe in.

I would be surprised if you, the reader (assuming that you are Muslim and you travel in Muslim circles,)  had never known of, or heard of, a situation where this had happened. The woman breaks down and “converts,” the man marries her, they pop out a few kids and 10 years down the road the woman is miserably unhappy with being a Muslim, covering, and dealing with the expectations so they divorce. It’s a bitter divorce, and of course she leaves Islam, and a year later the kids are going to Friday prayer with dad and Sunday school with mom.

This is why dawah by dong is fatally flawed even though it is the primary method by which many women convert.

Obviously I am ignoring the simple fact that offering his man-parts to ‘ze ladies’ is haraam. I’m ignoring it simply because they do.

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen Muslim men with non-Muslim women. And very, very, very few of them plan on marrying these women. They’re just playing around until they save enough plata to bag a virgin from their home country. The kufar women are simply for getting his rocks off before then. Sometimes the man is afraid enough of Allah that he marries the chick Islamically so that the sexy-times are not a sin, but the final outcome is the same.

Raise your hand if you’re a non-Muslim and you’ve heard that Muslim men are skeezes? Heck, raise your hand if you’re Muslim and you’ve heard, or seen, that Muslim men are skeezes?

*raises hand*

But behind this are a number, a large number, of women who met their husbands at work/school, became romantically involved, learned about Islam, converted, married, spawned, and are living happily ever after as content Muslimahs. MashAllah.

But oh, oh, how many failures there are. How many men there are who use it as an excuse. Even as an excuse to marry a SECOND wife. To “help” some woman who is thinking about converting, or recently converted, stay on the path.

Because God knows that we women aren’t strong enough to keep a religion without a man around to remind us.

And what a noble cause this gentleman is embarking on: saving the converts of the world, four women at  a time.

Spreading the good word of Islam with his “sword.”

Enough.

Islam is beautiful enough to spread without blackmailing a woman into it.

Women are competent enough to discover how to be a good Muslim without a man to teach her.

And if you are interested in Islam, contact a local mosque. Or go ahead and ask that dreamy-eyed brown boy in your organic chem class about Islam but don’t, do not, absolutely do not tie YOUR Islam to him or anyone else.

Make it your own. And then marry him.

But this method of spreading Islam needs to stop.

Though I doubt it ever will.

I’d flay the skin off my son if I ever caught him doing this, although I would support him giving a Quran, advice, or the number to the local masjid to the pretty young thing who approached him in organic chem.

But I’d make sure she wanted Islam for herself before I consented to a marriage.

Brothers, be responsible.

Ladies, be smart.

And please forgive me if I have offended anyone, it wasn’t my intention. I just had to get this off of my chest.

 

 

*I apologize for such a crude way of putting it, but its apt.

 

Addendum: There are many good, righteous brothers who seek to marry converts because they like the idea that a woman, who was interested in Islam, became a Muslim and they want the reward of helping her learn Islam. Sometimes they help a woman, who has approached them with questions, and the relationship becomes romantic before she converts and after she does they then marry. This situation, from my experience, is the majority of the cases of how women convert to Islam. Its close to the line but doesn’t cross it, and may Allah bless them.

My husband married me after I had been Muslim for 2 years and he is happy to say this whenever anyone asks. Alhumdulillah.

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Poligion and Relitics

Being driven to work today we passed again the front gate for the Ministry of Defense in Heliopolis (or is it Nasr City? I can never tell where each begins and ends) and I was struck by the inherent irony of the gate decor which is comprised of random pharaonic gods and a large replica of a pharaoh holding the severed heads of his four enemies by the hair. I think that there should be a word stronger than irony for this but I can’t think of what it would be. Sardonic reality? Anyways, we’ll get back to the reason I find it ironic later but first I was contemplating the obsequious use of pharaonic symbolism in all governmental buildings. To me it always seems somehow incongruous in such a religious society but then I reminded myself, as I always must, that Egypt is a secular country ruled by a democratically elected pharaoh president who puts politics before religion- except for the fact that the laws are based on shari’ah (loosely)- so of course they would use such religiously-safe symbolism as that of the mutually despised pharaonic civilization. Its least likely to ruffle feathers.

But then I was struck by an errant thought: I was once schooled by a sister, whose particular style of naseeha came with nausea, chafing, and rectal bleeding, who told me that it was haram to vote for any non-Muslim and therefore I had committed a grave sin by voting for Obama or voting in the American elections at all. (Side note: I know the man’s not Muslim but don’t I at least get some points for his name?) So, along that line of thinking isn’t it haram then to vote in any Egyptian elections? Have the 12 Egyptians brave enough to actually vote imperiled their souls?

And thinking further, is it halal to vote in ANY elections at all? What politician out there still has a soul and a connection to religion that doesn’t involve paying off priests and imams? Am I doomed to only voting for Kieth Ellison?

At least in Egypt we’re not given the choice and I have yet to meet an Egyptian who actually took the time to vote. Maybe Hosni’s doing us all a favor out of the goodness of his heart by not allowing us to vote in non-religious politics. That must be it- its for our own good.

And the irony of the gate is that it would be just as true if they had put Hosni’s face on that of the Pharaoh and the faces of the opposition leaders on the four heads of the conquered enemies. The only things this government hasn’t resurrected are the deifying of the pharaoh (they’re still working on it) and the marrying of half-brothers and sisters to keep the divine blood pure (but money and power only marries into money and power so its simply a matter of time.)

Feckin’ Thieves!

Today as I was getting out of the taxi to walk into the office I forgot that my cell-phone case/cover/pouch/whateveryoucallit was on my lap and it fell to the ground without my noticing. Near where I got out there was a man dusting and wiping down all of the cars either as part of his baweb job or for some other reason- you find a lot of poor people wiping down cars for spare change. I went about my usual route of going to the corner kiosk and buying a pepsi and then walking into the office and setting my stuff on the table when I realized it’s absence. I quickly went through my purse and then ran outside again to look for it. The whole thing took like three minutes.

The taxi driver had pulled up to the corner and was chatting with the office manager and I ran over to see if I left it on the seat. No luck. I ran into the street to see if it was still there. Nope. Then I remembered the man who had been wiping down the cars.

He was mysteriously about ten cars away, still wiping non-chalantly, however you could see that he had stopped wiping mid-car, and then skipped the ten cars to start over again.

I pointed him out and the taxi driver went over to him and came back thirty seconds later with my phone cover.

Yep.

Bloody thief. He saw where it fell from, the taxi driver had parked his car so even if he hadn’t been able to stop me he could have given it to the driver, and I had walked right past the same spot a second time after buying my pepsi. He literally meant to keep it.

Ever wonder what is fundamentally wrong with Egypt? Thats it right there.

Worthless, scumbag, thieves.

And don’t a single person even say anything about being poor because in the end of life it doesn’t matter how much money we had if we were honest before GOD.

No matter that I have my phone case back, he will be judged by his intention which was to steal it. I hope when he fries he remembers why.

Also, if shariah law were still enforced he would have lost a hand.

My anger is not about the cell phone case itself. I could buy another one with only minor inconvenience. Its the principle that it was not only easy for him to return it, but that he LEFT THE AREA to hide what he did. As if he would escape notice and get away with it. I am pissed because he lacks the simple humanity of returning it.

In the states 99% of the time someone would have stopped me or ran to catch me to give it back. Remember that- every single one of you who read my blog and think that living in a “Muslim” country is so much more closer to “Islam” than living in a “pagan” or “unbelieving” country.

I have yet, I swear to you, to see the same level of Islam here as I saw almost daily in the United States of America.

For Women: Egypt’s Commandments

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Don’t wear make-up.
Don’t wear your hair long.
Don’t wear short skirts.
Don’t wear high heels.
Don’t wear tight-fitting clothes.
Don’t look sexy.
Don’t bat you[r] eyelashes.
Don’t crack dirty jokes.
Don’t flirt.
Don’t smile at strangers.
Don’t offer to help strangers.
Don’t go out at night.
Don’t go to parties.
Don’t go on dates.
Don’t go anywhere alone.
Don’t attract attention.
Don’t work late.
Don’t trust anyone.
Don’t say yes.
Don’t say no.
Don’t be a woman.
Don’t exist.

A few more that I’ve heard of myself:

Don’t laugh in public.
Don’t chew gum in public.
Don’t be loud.
Don’t sing where anyone can hear you.

I can, also, say that I see all of those things all the time by girls all over Cairo. They may be commandments but it doesn’t mean we have to listen to them.

Getting All Religious Up In Here

A fabulous Canadian convert living in Abu Dhabi, Aalia, just posted about a few random things and whether men are allowed to beat their wives in Islam.

People like to say that “in the west people don’t know about Islam” and “non-Muslims are so ignorant about Islam.” Yea, thats true. But I gotta tell ya there’s a whole helluva (pun intended ya’ll) lot of MUSLIMS from MUSLIM COUNTRIES who are ignorant about their religion.

I have blogged countless times about separating culture from religion because what I see being practised a lot of times is cultural teachings that have no ground in the truth of Islam.

Wife beating is one of them.

Can you find Muslim men who beat their wives? Oh yeah.

Can you find Christian men who beat their wives? Absolutely.

Can you find men from every country on earth who beat their wives? In droves, people, huge droves.

I’ll lay it down for those of you who don’t know:

Islam does not condone wife-beating

(any of you who know me personal -hint: family- should know that I would never have joined a religion that condoned it nor would I stick around for it.)

My homegirl Aalia laid it out in a way that I couldn’t have said better so I will cut & paste (with her permission):

It is not generally permitted to hit one’s wife, and the overwhelming instances of hitting that take place in marriages are not only HARAAM (sinful) but entails abuse, wrongdoing (dhulm), and going away from the example of the Messenger of Allah [Prophet Mohamed] (sallalahu `alayhi wa salaama), who often instructed his companions (may Allah be pleased with them all) not to hit their wives, and who said, when he heard about men who hit their wives, “The best of you are the best to your spouses, and I am the best of you to their spouse.” The wives of the Prophet, including A’isha (Allah be pleased with her), relate that he never hit any of his wives.

Narrated Mu’awiyah al-Qushayri: “I went to the Apostle of Allah [Prophet Mohamed](sallalahu `alayhi wa salaama) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2139)”

Another example of what the Messenger of Allah [Prophet Mohamed] (sallalahu `alayhi wa salaama) said, “Could any of you beat his wife as he would beat a slave, and then lie with her in the evening?”

So, there. If a Christian guy beats his wife in America, is it because he’s Christian? Or because he’s a wife-beating asshole?

If a guy who claims to be Muslim beats his wife, is it because he’s Muslim? Or a wife-beating asshole?

Bugspray anyone?

There’s been some blogosphere outrage over a recent Egyptian(?) advert about hijab.hijabi propoganda

 

The text says, “You can’t stop them, but you can protect yourself. Your Creator knows whats best for you.” The men are the flies and the women are the lollipops, and the wrapper is supposed to represent the hijab.

  I won’t waste time on what kind of propagandist, misogynistic, retarded bullshit this is; I think its obvious enough without me stating it. Of course I agree that our Creator does know whats best for us, but that doesn’t excuse men behaving like dogs. What Arab men lack is liability for their actions and this advert does nothing but propagate approval for them continuing to get away with whatever they want to get away with solely because they are men and can’t be held responsible for their actions; especially when a woman who doesn’t cover herself is in their line of sight. Its like blaming a rape victim because her skirt was an inch above her knees.

While we are on this topic I would like to tell you about what I saw in Alexandria on Khaled Ibn Waleed Street in the Miami neighborhood one night around midnight. This street, at night, is completely clogged with humanity and cars and getting through that street quickly is an impossibility. My husband and I were in a taxi at a dead standstill when two crotch-rockets (you know, the flashy mydickisbiggerthanyours motorbikes) snaked past us carrying two passengers each: one man and one woman. Neither of the women wore hijab but one woman was much more scantily clad than the other, wearing tight capri pants and a tight sleeveless tank top. Her outfit wouldn’t have elicited a second glance in the US but in Egypt it was in stark contrast to the majority hijab/jilbab/malhaffa and even a few niqabi women shopping. The CR (crotch-rocket) carrying the second, more scantily clad, woman got blocked at an impasse and had to stop at which point the wild packs of young men noticed the girl and turned, in unison quite like a school of fish or a flock of birds do, and began to surround the seriously outnumbered duo on the bike. Unable to fight off the crowd the man driving tried to force his way through the traffic while the boys reached out to grab at the woman, or spit on her, while yelling garbled things in Arabic. It was all very reminiscent of the Eid attacks captured on video by Wael Abbas. ‘Within a matter of a few seconds the driver got through the cars and drove off as fast as possible leaving the crowd of unsatisfied animals to disperse back into their regular hunting parties.

The incident left an indelible impression on me. I felt bad for the girl, because no matter what she chooses to wear, no one should ever be molested in such a fashion and have it be approved of on the basis that she didn’t wear hijab. I was angry for her.

I must admit, however, that one must take into consideration the society that one is attempting to function in. As I said, in the US she wouldn’t have been looked at twice because her outfit showed less skin than many I have personally seen. However she is not in the US, she is in a society in which modesty is the expectation whether with hijab or not. I don’t think the incident was based on whether she wore hijab because the woman on the bike in front of her was hijabless as well and went completely unmolested in her baggy 3/4 sleeve shirt and capri pants. After a lot of thinking I believe it was the tightness of her clothing and the manner in which she straddled her CR-driving boyfriend, as well as his stupidity because as he got stopped at the impasse he revved the bike and cracked the muffler bringing the attention of the surrounding crowds upon himself and his girlfriend.

Does this condone the actions of the rabid masses? No. And something should be done about the mentality of a society that aprroves of this kind of action and places the blame on the woman no matter what. Its misogynistic and allows the men to shirk the blame. An endless supply of victimhood.

It isn’t my fault I raped her, your honor, she deserved it because she wore red/perfume/a tight shirt/I could see her hair and I couldn’t control myself.

It isn’t my fault, she deserved it because she is female.

It makes me sick.

And it makes me wonder about an ideology that basks in a mentality that compares them to flies, an organism even lower and more disgusting than dogs.

I call for accountability, and a religious authority that remembers the teachings of God that command men to lower their gaze rather than molest.

In religion there is accountability, but most of the time men forget that part in their zeal to be sure women do.

For me, I carry bug spray. And a mean right-hook.