Tag Archives: misogynism

Dawah By Dong*

In this title I am talking about the men who are intent on spreading Islam with their man-parts, by dating and eventually converting poor, misguided women in the West.

I hesitated to write this post, despite my passion on the subject, because I, myself, was involved with a Muslim man when I converted to Islam. I’ve mentioned this before and am mentioning it again in the interest of full disclosure. I didn’t convert for this man, however, as evidenced by the fact that I rejected his marriage proposals, broke up with him soon after converting, and moved out of state to escape him, my family, and my old life in order to re-discover myself in my new, chosen, identity.  I had also been bumping up against, discovering, and delving into Islam for four years before this relationship so the brother was not my first introduction to the religion. InshAllah he will get reward though because he did help me cross that final threshold.

I also hesitated because I anticipate that this will be, possibly, an offensive topic for many out there because I very rarely, and I mean rarely, meet women who converted on their own, without being in a relationship, or already being married to a Muslim man. I identify myself as someone who came into Islam by myself, although in fact I do wallow in a gray area between due to this relationship. I can neither disregard nor completely credit the contribution of this brother for my being Muslim. But I generally count the two years between my conversion and my marriage as sufficient to identify myself as someone who came into Islam without being married to a Muslim man. You may disagree with that as you wish.

Many, many converts cannot say the same thing though, and I fear that I will marginalize or degrade their decision to convert by what I want to say in this post. I do not mean to. There is nothing to say that your Islam is less valuable because you married your husband before, or soon after, you converted.

My object of disdain is the Muslim man who dates easy, empty-headed women and then uses the leverage of “I can’t marry you because you’re not Muslim” to break it off when the poor girl gets too clingy. And who justifies his rutting around by saying that he believes she is interested in Islam and he wants to guide her. But then uses aforementioned excuse to break it off when he tires of shagging her.

And there are men who date women who aren’t even interested in Islam and then, when both are invested in the relationship, put pressure on their girlfriends to convert because he won’t marry, and make babies with, a non-Muslim. This is a very sad and unfortunate situation because the women are forced to choose between losing the man that they love or converting to a religion they don’t believe in.

I would be surprised if you, the reader (assuming that you are Muslim and you travel in Muslim circles,)  had never known of, or heard of, a situation where this had happened. The woman breaks down and “converts,” the man marries her, they pop out a few kids and 10 years down the road the woman is miserably unhappy with being a Muslim, covering, and dealing with the expectations so they divorce. It’s a bitter divorce, and of course she leaves Islam, and a year later the kids are going to Friday prayer with dad and Sunday school with mom.

This is why dawah by dong is fatally flawed even though it is the primary method by which many women convert.

Obviously I am ignoring the simple fact that offering his man-parts to ‘ze ladies’ is haraam. I’m ignoring it simply because they do.

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen Muslim men with non-Muslim women. And very, very, very few of them plan on marrying these women. They’re just playing around until they save enough plata to bag a virgin from their home country. The kufar women are simply for getting his rocks off before then. Sometimes the man is afraid enough of Allah that he marries the chick Islamically so that the sexy-times are not a sin, but the final outcome is the same.

Raise your hand if you’re a non-Muslim and you’ve heard that Muslim men are skeezes? Heck, raise your hand if you’re Muslim and you’ve heard, or seen, that Muslim men are skeezes?

*raises hand*

But behind this are a number, a large number, of women who met their husbands at work/school, became romantically involved, learned about Islam, converted, married, spawned, and are living happily ever after as content Muslimahs. MashAllah.

But oh, oh, how many failures there are. How many men there are who use it as an excuse. Even as an excuse to marry a SECOND wife. To “help” some woman who is thinking about converting, or recently converted, stay on the path.

Because God knows that we women aren’t strong enough to keep a religion without a man around to remind us.

And what a noble cause this gentleman is embarking on: saving the converts of the world, four women at  a time.

Spreading the good word of Islam with his “sword.”

Enough.

Islam is beautiful enough to spread without blackmailing a woman into it.

Women are competent enough to discover how to be a good Muslim without a man to teach her.

And if you are interested in Islam, contact a local mosque. Or go ahead and ask that dreamy-eyed brown boy in your organic chem class about Islam but don’t, do not, absolutely do not tie YOUR Islam to him or anyone else.

Make it your own. And then marry him.

But this method of spreading Islam needs to stop.

Though I doubt it ever will.

I’d flay the skin off my son if I ever caught him doing this, although I would support him giving a Quran, advice, or the number to the local masjid to the pretty young thing who approached him in organic chem.

But I’d make sure she wanted Islam for herself before I consented to a marriage.

Brothers, be responsible.

Ladies, be smart.

And please forgive me if I have offended anyone, it wasn’t my intention. I just had to get this off of my chest.

 

 

*I apologize for such a crude way of putting it, but its apt.

 

Addendum: There are many good, righteous brothers who seek to marry converts because they like the idea that a woman, who was interested in Islam, became a Muslim and they want the reward of helping her learn Islam. Sometimes they help a woman, who has approached them with questions, and the relationship becomes romantic before she converts and after she does they then marry. This situation, from my experience, is the majority of the cases of how women convert to Islam. Its close to the line but doesn’t cross it, and may Allah bless them.

My husband married me after I had been Muslim for 2 years and he is happy to say this whenever anyone asks. Alhumdulillah.

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For Women: Egypt’s Commandments

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Don’t wear make-up.
Don’t wear your hair long.
Don’t wear short skirts.
Don’t wear high heels.
Don’t wear tight-fitting clothes.
Don’t look sexy.
Don’t bat you[r] eyelashes.
Don’t crack dirty jokes.
Don’t flirt.
Don’t smile at strangers.
Don’t offer to help strangers.
Don’t go out at night.
Don’t go to parties.
Don’t go on dates.
Don’t go anywhere alone.
Don’t attract attention.
Don’t work late.
Don’t trust anyone.
Don’t say yes.
Don’t say no.
Don’t be a woman.
Don’t exist.

A few more that I’ve heard of myself:

Don’t laugh in public.
Don’t chew gum in public.
Don’t be loud.
Don’t sing where anyone can hear you.

I can, also, say that I see all of those things all the time by girls all over Cairo. They may be commandments but it doesn’t mean we have to listen to them.

I Am

I am an American and I am Muslim. I am no less American for being Muslim and I am no less Muslim for being American. I tell this to all the ignorant Americans who call me unpatriotic and I tell this to all the ignorant Muslims who consider me tainted.

I am a Muslim woman and I am not oppressed. My voice is heard and I speak out loudly.

I cover my head but my head is not bowed. I do not quake at my husband’s voice nor do I fear his hand nor do I quiet my words in fear of his anger.

I am a Muslim woman and I am not less.

I am Muslim and I am not less.

Not less educated, not less worthy, not less questioning, not less proud, not less patriotic, not less strong, and no less willing to fight for my rights, the rights of my people- ALL of my people-, and my right to fight.

I am.

Hypocrisy 1 Logic 0

Multiple times now I’ve seen the video for a famous Arabic song where the singer is the driver and his love-interest is the indifferent woman he’s driving. She is, it being an Arabic video of course, dressed in something slinky and low-cut and wearing probably five pounds worth of make-up and hair extensions. Where is the hypocrisy in this?

There are multiple birds-eye-view shots from above that pretty much aim right down into her cleavage. Whatever right? Then comes the portion of the video where she withdraws a cigarette and  smokes it…

THAT PORTION IS BLURRED OUT!!!!!

Massive amounts of cleavage? Sure, why not.

A woman smoking? BLASPHEMY!

Sometimes I just don’t understand the Middle East.

I know I’m going to get back to the US and watch movies I watched in the theaters here and find massive portions of kissing/sex scenes that were not in the version I first saw.

No big deal, the only time I noticed it was watching ‘Wanted’ and the editing job was REALLY BAD.

Oh, and another thing. Songs in Arabic that include bad words or sexually explicit lyrics are properly banned here, but it is extremely common to walk into restaurants, be waiting for the movie to begin, or be shopping in stores and hear uncensored versions of 50 Cent and Eminem rap songs. Every other word is a cuss word and the entire song is about chasing a particularly fine piece of ass.

Seriously people, just because its in English doesn’t make it ok.

Bugspray anyone?

There’s been some blogosphere outrage over a recent Egyptian(?) advert about hijab.hijabi propoganda

 

The text says, “You can’t stop them, but you can protect yourself. Your Creator knows whats best for you.” The men are the flies and the women are the lollipops, and the wrapper is supposed to represent the hijab.

  I won’t waste time on what kind of propagandist, misogynistic, retarded bullshit this is; I think its obvious enough without me stating it. Of course I agree that our Creator does know whats best for us, but that doesn’t excuse men behaving like dogs. What Arab men lack is liability for their actions and this advert does nothing but propagate approval for them continuing to get away with whatever they want to get away with solely because they are men and can’t be held responsible for their actions; especially when a woman who doesn’t cover herself is in their line of sight. Its like blaming a rape victim because her skirt was an inch above her knees.

While we are on this topic I would like to tell you about what I saw in Alexandria on Khaled Ibn Waleed Street in the Miami neighborhood one night around midnight. This street, at night, is completely clogged with humanity and cars and getting through that street quickly is an impossibility. My husband and I were in a taxi at a dead standstill when two crotch-rockets (you know, the flashy mydickisbiggerthanyours motorbikes) snaked past us carrying two passengers each: one man and one woman. Neither of the women wore hijab but one woman was much more scantily clad than the other, wearing tight capri pants and a tight sleeveless tank top. Her outfit wouldn’t have elicited a second glance in the US but in Egypt it was in stark contrast to the majority hijab/jilbab/malhaffa and even a few niqabi women shopping. The CR (crotch-rocket) carrying the second, more scantily clad, woman got blocked at an impasse and had to stop at which point the wild packs of young men noticed the girl and turned, in unison quite like a school of fish or a flock of birds do, and began to surround the seriously outnumbered duo on the bike. Unable to fight off the crowd the man driving tried to force his way through the traffic while the boys reached out to grab at the woman, or spit on her, while yelling garbled things in Arabic. It was all very reminiscent of the Eid attacks captured on video by Wael Abbas. ‘Within a matter of a few seconds the driver got through the cars and drove off as fast as possible leaving the crowd of unsatisfied animals to disperse back into their regular hunting parties.

The incident left an indelible impression on me. I felt bad for the girl, because no matter what she chooses to wear, no one should ever be molested in such a fashion and have it be approved of on the basis that she didn’t wear hijab. I was angry for her.

I must admit, however, that one must take into consideration the society that one is attempting to function in. As I said, in the US she wouldn’t have been looked at twice because her outfit showed less skin than many I have personally seen. However she is not in the US, she is in a society in which modesty is the expectation whether with hijab or not. I don’t think the incident was based on whether she wore hijab because the woman on the bike in front of her was hijabless as well and went completely unmolested in her baggy 3/4 sleeve shirt and capri pants. After a lot of thinking I believe it was the tightness of her clothing and the manner in which she straddled her CR-driving boyfriend, as well as his stupidity because as he got stopped at the impasse he revved the bike and cracked the muffler bringing the attention of the surrounding crowds upon himself and his girlfriend.

Does this condone the actions of the rabid masses? No. And something should be done about the mentality of a society that aprroves of this kind of action and places the blame on the woman no matter what. Its misogynistic and allows the men to shirk the blame. An endless supply of victimhood.

It isn’t my fault I raped her, your honor, she deserved it because she wore red/perfume/a tight shirt/I could see her hair and I couldn’t control myself.

It isn’t my fault, she deserved it because she is female.

It makes me sick.

And it makes me wonder about an ideology that basks in a mentality that compares them to flies, an organism even lower and more disgusting than dogs.

I call for accountability, and a religious authority that remembers the teachings of God that command men to lower their gaze rather than molest.

In religion there is accountability, but most of the time men forget that part in their zeal to be sure women do.

For me, I carry bug spray. And a mean right-hook.