Fake People Love Fake

I think I’ve mentioned my dislike of DU’s daughters before. Maybe I didn’t make myself clear about how much I think they’re soul-less harpies, but its a lot.

DU= Downstairs Uncle, my husband’s uncle who is graciously letting us rent his flat while we’re here. I like DU, I just don’t like his daughters.

The daughters go like this: Breeze, Brooke, and Star. I’m using a loose translation of what their names mean so anyone with a good grasp on Egyptian girl names could probably figure out what they are. But thats not my problem.

I sincerely dislike them.

Today is yet another infuriating example of why that is. We have a new maid; the maid who cleans for DU is now coming to us as well which is great, I really needed her. It was established that the maid would come to me on Thursdays so yesterday I sat around waiting for her and she never came. Now anyone familiar with the normal Egyptian maid status quo is not surprised by that but I knew that it was not the maid who made the choice not to come. I was sure that Breeze had called her to go clean their flat instead. It was only my inability to gather enough energy to take the stairs that kept me from going down and knocking on their door. I wish I had so I could have given Breeze a piece of my mind when I caught her red-handed.

Maid #3 (or #3 as I will call her from now on) came this morning instead- which is huge btw because its Friday and usually the single day maids will not come unless being paid big bucks to do so- and upon arrival asked me if Breeze had called me to tell me about yesterday.

What? Breeze actually give a flying fudge about someone else’s schedule?! You must be joking. Of course she didn’t. I give mad props to #3 though who said she told Breeze to call me to let me know which takes balls, especially with the three witches of Eastwicke downstairs who have fired maids for sneezing wrong. #3 also said that if Breeze called her again like that she would call me herself instead of relying on Breeze and that she would tell her no and come to me. I don’t hold any water in that last  promise though, like I said, sneezing wrong.

I will go talk to them myself later today because this is totally keeping with their style. If anyone remembers, maid #1 was also a double-duty cleaner and more often than not she would come to me late in the evenings because Breeze would demand that she clean their flat first. So I would be waiting all day, no phone calls telling me whats going on and no consideration for my time. This worked better back then because I was under self-imposed house arrest due to culture shock so its not like I was going anywhere, but it pissed me off.

This is only the second week for #3 to come to me so its starting early and I plan to end it now before it takes hold. Thursdays will be my motherfreakin’ day or any changes will be run by me first with approval. I had planned to go to City Stars with the Englyptian yesterday- a plan that was called off due to the stomach flu- and I had told her we would have to wait to leave until after #3 came so I could let her in. Had I stuck to that plan I would have been waiting a long while although I probably would have gone downstairs before too much time had passed.

There is no one on earth who is as important as the three sisters downstairs. No one as deserving of utter servitude. The rest of us are simply bugs beneath their divine feet.

You think I’m exaggerating but I’m not. The witches will pass Mr. MM and I in their car while we are walking and carrying bags and not even break. Hell they won’t even wave to us. We are cattle. They are royalty.

If I did not owe an immense amount of loyalty and respect to DU, who is a good person even if he is weird and unobservant, I would probably spit on their shadows everytime I saw them. If they were my neighbors by virtue of me owning this flat I would leave flaming sacks of doggie-doo on their doorsteps, ring the bell, and run. I would hang dripping laundry while they were having lunch parties seated on the veranda below me (my laundry drips on their outdoor furniture.)

I am planning on introducing DU to a twit who works with me at the pathetic excuse for an English-language Institute because he wants a second wife and I can imagine no one who will make the girls’ lives more miserable than this woman. Actually thats not the only reason, she is possibly the best fit for what DU is looking for in a second wife and thats why. Thats a whole separate blog post though because I know most of you are like “WTH- isn’t Molly like crazy anti-polygyny?” Yes, but I think there are times when its either unavoidable, preferrable, or necessary. Like I said, different post.

The point is that I despise those biotches and I rarely hate anyone. Rarely.

Do you think they know I hate their guts? Not in a million years! I can fake it up with the best of them.

I hate fake people, I hate fake kisses, pretending that I like someone takes more time and energy than I can or want to expend. However I have had to become as fake as a Lebanese singer’s face since I’ve arrive in Egypt. Why? Because I don’t care what any of ya’ll say- Egypt is the hometown of the family feud. Egyptians are the queens of startin’ sh*t. Drama is the bread to their butter, the Romeo to their Juliet, the reason they wake up and breathe in the morning. When nothing happens- THEY MAKE IT UP!

Do you think anyone in Cairo knows how much I hate them except Mr. MM, myself, and now you- my readers? Nope. I plaster on a fakey smile, kiss their cheeks, act like not having seen them for two weeks has been the best worst two weeks of my life. Because the moment I tell even the closest of the family members (on this side of the family) it will be in everyone’s ear within the hour.

I don’t trust a single person on this side to keep their mouth shut. So I fake it up.

Fake people love fake.

Edit: She is such a @(#&$(ing liar! I confronted her and in one sentence she managed to say that she rang my doorbell in the morning at 4pm (how does that work?) and I didn’t answer and she called me (my number) on her father’s cell phone but Mr. MMs phone must have been turned off (???).

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14 responses to “Fake People Love Fake

  1. Yeesh, sounds like they’re nightmares. It’s good you’re a quick learner and have adopted the fake strategy but just once don’t you wish you could put them in their place? Ugh but right, yea fued…

  2. Salaam sister 🙂

    I came acroos your blog over someone’s link. Poor you. Atleast you could let it all out here. i can’t. because I hv my relatives spying over my blogs, facebook and others, making sure I don’t say a word about how imperfect human beings like THEY are 🙂
    A few cases broke and I am tired of having dramas over petty things. But life’s full of dramas no matter what, whether it comes of someone just invites it HAHA. Have to agree on that.

  3. HAHAH, The dynamics you speak of is typical of the small town scene in Jordan where I’m from, and I’m sure it’s probably the case in many middle eastern countries.

  4. hahahahahaha I’m sure it’s unIslamic of me to laugh at the whole laundry drying and second wife lines but I did…thoroughly I know people like that especially at Christmas time…ugh Can’t wait till I tell them I’m not celebrating…oh that’ll be fun.

    PS: Phony people NEVER admit to things, they don’t have enpugh backbone otherwise they’d be real women not phony. (hugs)

    Thank God you don’t share the same “space” as them as in same floor and such ugh

  5. The feud is worth it. I’m serious … my SILs hate my guts, mostly because they wanted to do that covet talking smack behind my back while smiling to my face and kissing my cheeks thing. Some baaaaad stuff went down, mostly because I wouldn’t play the game and on one occasion called them out on it directly. Like I said, they hate me … but they also now leave me alone.

  6. This is my first visit to your blog, and I am intrigued. I will be back! Though I can’t believe you posted this on the internet for all to see~including the three hated ones! LOL! Sometimes I wish I had such courage…. (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  7. I…

    cannot…

    STAAAAND…

    FAKE PEOPLE ALL IN MY FAAAAAAACE!!!!!

    *LoL* real crazy I sound but honestly — I totally know where you’re coming from!!

  8. she doesn’t deserve the name.

  9. Aisha- Your last comment was over the line. You need to think about whether your comment was in the sincere desire to correct my actions- which is how I took it and how I took it to heart- or the desire for others to see how high, mighty, and pious you are.
    If your actions were to help me, then it shouldn’t matter to you that I didn’t post it.
    Instead you insinuate that I am just pretending to be Muslim because I didn’t post your comment with hadeeth.
    Try looking at the shaytan in your head and heart before you start calling out on others.
    And the next time you try to perform naseeha for someone, remember that you should do it with kindness, modesty, and privacy because it is for that person only in that moment.
    But your naseeha obviously was not for me, it was simply to make you look like the better Muslim right?
    I didn’t post your first one because I considered it as something for me and so I read it and kept it. That should be enough for you.
    I did not post your second one because I do not get into pissing contests. Please try to prove you’re a better Muslim on someone else’s blog. Thank you.

  10. Hehehe…
    Molly, you’re now officially Egyptian. 🙂

  11. Aisha? who’s that

    Chinetas que me perdí?

  12. es una q me mandaba comments pero los paro el comment moderation entonces no aparecieron en el blog. Ella decia q es backbiting lo q dije y lo q dijieron las q comentaron y me dio hadeeth y ayat. Ves, yo me fije pero no publique sus comments y me mando un segundo comment diciendo q soy mala por no haberlos publicado y q no soy musulmana nada mas estoy mintiendo. Te crees? Solamente por no haberlos publicado.
    Entonces deje el comment arriba. Me mando un tercero comment diciendo q lo q dejo la primera vez fue para todos y no para mi unicamente y por eso debo publicarlo y tambien borrar mi blogpost.
    Pues… ni madre! 😛

  13. ah ya veo ya me imajinaba que era algo así…

    La gente siempre hace eso. Hiciste bien en no publicar los comentarios obviamente a ella le importaba de mas tambien sino no hubiese stado volviendo tantas veces! Tanto para tratar de ser mejor que tu, eso ni madres 😉

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