I’m super crunched at work right now, also I’m distracted. This makes it not so much fun as I can never concentrate on the piles of work I have to do.
I’ve got some problems with concentration and I’m not sure what its from but whenever I try to focus on something I seem to get confused and I can’t make my mind work. It scares me because I consider myself a resonably intelligent individual so to have my brain just simply not comprehend makes me nervous. Why can’t I wrap my head around it? I’d like to blame it on not having been trained, by any slim definition of the word, to do the work I’m doing. I got thrown in the deep-end and I’m just having to dog paddle and learn as I go, but I find that I sometimes can’t understand even simple things until I’ve read them three times.
My thoughts are jumbled and when it comes to voicing them I get confused, I often cannot put them into the proper order. I’m talking about in-depth discussions not your random “what did you do today” questions before anyone gets really worried. I don’t understand why it has become so hard for me to concentrate.
I do think a part of it may come from my fibromyalgia which I was diagnosed with at age 13. When I become stressed, as I have been since I moved here, I become more confused and its harder for me to concentrate. I have not suffered, and do not now, from fibro as much as many have suffered; in fact once I finished puberty and went on hormone-balancing birth control I went down to very little outward symptoms beyond chronic fatigue and sleeping problems. But since moving to Cairo my fibro has flared up to almost as bad as the first flare-ups, with which I was taken to the hospital and to doctor after doctor after doctor until finally being diagnosed. I’m in almost constant pain now and I always feel exhausted. In fact even when my husband brushes his hands along my ankles or across my shoulders patches of skin will flare up with pain even from those feather-weight touches.
This deterioration could be caused by multiple things: the pollution, the food, and the bc I switched to when I moved here and could no longer receive my American Rx.
Its a strain on me and I don’t know what to do. I just really want to go home back to the things I know and trust.
I just want to be able to concentrate.
I promise I will write a big long post about my vacation, I’ve been avoiding it both due to work and also because if I talk about it like it was past then I’d have to full admit its over. Or something equally subconscious and neurotic.
Can I give up yet? Oh, another side-effect of being unable to concentrate: desperation and the desire to just give up.
What do I do?
Also for some odd reason I’ve been locked out of all the private blogs I was previously invited to. If you have a private blog and you invited me (or you would like to invite me) please, please, please send me an invitation to mollyannelian[at]gmail.com
That means you umm Travis and Safa and… well a lot of people but I can’t remember them right now. Aalya.
Side-effect #147 of concentration issues: memory issues.