Poligion and Relitics

Being driven to work today we passed again the front gate for the Ministry of Defense in Heliopolis (or is it Nasr City? I can never tell where each begins and ends) and I was struck by the inherent irony of the gate decor which is comprised of random pharaonic gods and a large replica of a pharaoh holding the severed heads of his four enemies by the hair. I think that there should be a word stronger than irony for this but I can’t think of what it would be. Sardonic reality? Anyways, we’ll get back to the reason I find it ironic later but first I was contemplating the obsequious use of pharaonic symbolism in all governmental buildings. To me it always seems somehow incongruous in such a religious society but then I reminded myself, as I always must, that Egypt is a secular country ruled by a democratically elected pharaoh president who puts politics before religion- except for the fact that the laws are based on shari’ah (loosely)- so of course they would use such religiously-safe symbolism as that of the mutually despised pharaonic civilization. Its least likely to ruffle feathers.

But then I was struck by an errant thought: I was once schooled by a sister, whose particular style of naseeha came with nausea, chafing, and rectal bleeding, who told me that it was haram to vote for any non-Muslim and therefore I had committed a grave sin by voting for Obama or voting in the American elections at all. (Side note: I know the man’s not Muslim but don’t I at least get some points for his name?) So, along that line of thinking isn’t it haram then to vote in any Egyptian elections? Have the 12 Egyptians brave enough to actually vote imperiled their souls?

And thinking further, is it halal to vote in ANY elections at all? What politician out there still has a soul and a connection to religion that doesn’t involve paying off priests and imams? Am I doomed to only voting for Kieth Ellison?

At least in Egypt we’re not given the choice and I have yet to meet an Egyptian who actually took the time to vote. Maybe Hosni’s doing us all a favor out of the goodness of his heart by not allowing us to vote in non-religious politics. That must be it- its for our own good.

And the irony of the gate is that it would be just as true if they had put Hosni’s face on that of the Pharaoh and the faces of the opposition leaders on the four heads of the conquered enemies. The only things this government hasn’t resurrected are the deifying of the pharaoh (they’re still working on it) and the marrying of half-brothers and sisters to keep the divine blood pure (but money and power only marries into money and power so its simply a matter of time.)

Faceplant x 3

I am so over this. I fell again yesterday simply while walking. I don’t know whats wrong with me right now but apparently my sense of equilibrium has taken a summer vacation.

My whole body hurts right now but whether this is from all of that falling down or because I’m having a flare up of my fibromyalgia I am not sure. This would be the first flare up of this magnitude in years. Maybe its a mixture of a small flare-up and painful joints from falling down.

I must say though that I am not the only klutz in residence: Zuzu is quite ungraceful for a cat. She trips over things, runs into doors, and somehow has a knack of running right in front of my foot while I’m walking so I kick her a few feet into the future. She also hits her head on the floor while doing the kitty back roll and it makes quite a hollow knocking sound.

Silly cat.

I Don’t Consider This Blog a Political Platform

And for that reason I do not blog about politics (beyond the little bit I blogged about the election and how it played a part in my life.) Thats partially why I recently removed some comments I made about Egyptian politics in a past post; I don’t want this to be a political blog because I am not a political person.

I also specifically try not to blog about the politics of Israel/Occupied Palestine because its a quagmire that so many others talk about with more education, understanding, and brevity than I, myself, ever could. I could never do it justice.

Having said that though, I have, just now, read a play written after the most recent, and horrific, siege on Gaza called Seven Jewish Children. If you are interested here is the link to read it and here is a link to the playwright’s comments about her work.

As always I believe that art is the great equalizer. My thanks to Reb Barry for originally posting all of these links for me to read.

Also here is an article by Avi Shlaim, an Oxford Professor of International Relations who formerly served in the Israeli army, on how the siege made him question his faith in Israel.

Las Mañanitas

Estas son las mañanitas, que cantaba el Rey David,
Hoy por ser día de tu santo, te las cantamos a ti,
Despierta, mi bien, despierta, mira que ya amaneció,
Ya los pajarillos cantan, la luna ya se metió.

Que linda está la mañana en que vengo a saludarte,
Venimos todos con gusto y placer a felicitarte,
Ya viene amaneciendo, ya la luz del día nos dio,
Levántate de mañana, mira que ya amaneció.

Remembering Consumerism

To say that Egypt does not have a consumerist society would be incorrect. In some ways they are so much more so than even Americans or Europeans but consumerism here is different. The way we buy things and the way that things are advertised are different here so it feels different and somehow less consumeristic.

I spent this last Tuesday at City Stars in Heliopolis with the Englyptian and had an absolute blast. We browsed all of the couture stores and imagined how fab we would be if we were size six and rich. It felt so much like home for both of us, City Stars reminds me of the Mall of America actually, and except for all the Arabic being spoken we could pretend for a second that we weren’t stranded in a foreign land.

Mr. MM met us in the evening, after the Englyptian and I finished watching the Da Vinci Code sequal: Angels & Demons (so much better than the Code!,) and we all went to have my birthday dinner at On the Border. It was yummy and I ate so much that I was actually in pain.

At the end of the evening I was feeling a bit consumered out and a little off my equilibrium and it felt like a shock to return to the real world of abject poverty that you can see on every corner here. It really made me think and reassess whats important.

The taxi driver was a definite juxtaposition. He was the first person I have seen here in Egypt with Tourett’s Snydrom and it was quite severe. At first it seemed like he was almost having a silent conversation with someone and disagreeing with them but then I realized that there was a pattern to his twitching and head jerks. I can’t imagine that it was easy for his to drive with his head jerking that severely but he got us back safely.

I just can’t imagine how hard his life must be here. People who are in any way abnormal, especially when it comes to mental or physical impairments, are shunned. Add in to that he is a taxi driver, which is certainly not the easiest or best-paid job, and I just cannot fathom how much he must deal with every day.

It really made me feel greedy and ungrateful for what I have and then, just to remind me that I’m in Egypt, we passed a group of young boys herding a number of galloping camels down the autostrade.

Camels. It was hilarious.

You never know what you’re going to get here and thats both the most frustrating and yet also the most addicting thing about living in Egypt.

I went from browsing through French Connection and Mango couture clothing that goes for 1,000EGP a piece, to eating yummy tex-mex food and drinking Starbuck’s coffee, to driving past a herd of camels on the freeway, and contemplating life.

Nothing will look the same after living here.

Faceplant x 2

I’ve been especially graceful this week: on tuesday while walking to the Englyptians house I tripped on the asphalt (anyone who has seen Egyptian roads know how easy that is) and faceplanted right in front of a car. Nice. And now while stepping out of the bathroom I slipped on a wet cloth #3 had spread out on the floor (right in front of the doorway) to dry and buttplanted on the step that leads into the bathroom. Painful.

Needless to say my knees and back hurt right now.

God only knows why I was never a ballerina.

Zuzu is afraid of the maid

Edit: I cut out the part about Egyptian politics because it made me depressed.

Today I learned how Egyptians clean carpets. #3 brought her daughter with her this morning and they washed the oriental carpets. It was amazing- they brought them into the bathroom, unrolled them, showered them down, dusted on some laundry soap, scrubbed them with a detached broom head, and then squeegied them off with the bathroom squeegy and hung them from the balcony to dry. Uff they really needed to be cleaned so its great that she offered to do it and of course we’ll pay her more for it.

edit: ok pay her a lot more. I had no idea they ask so much for cleaning carpets… I dunno, I’ll have to ask Mr. MM about it when he gets home because I am completely out of credit and couldn’t call him to ask.

#3, mashAllah, cleans better than either of the maids before her. She does a really great job and I’m so thankful to have her.

Zuzu is scared witless by her though, its absolutely absurd. With maid #2, who was terrified of cats, Zuzu wanted to hang out and watch her clean, getting in the way as much as possible. I had to lock her in bedrooms and sometimes we’d have to chase her around the house in order to catch her to lock her in the room. Now? As soon as the door rings Zuzu poofs and disappears. I know her hiding spot so once I let #3 in I go and grab the cat, who hangs onto me for dear life with every single one of her twenty freaking claws, and when I get her into my bedroom she run for the back corner and hides there for the rest of the day even after #3 has left.

I just don’t get it. Deliverymen: she hangs out at the doorway; the Englyptian: she goes up to her and says hello and even sits on her lap!; other visitors: she is skittish but still comes around and checks everyone out; the sweet maid: senseless terror from the very first time. Zuzu didn’t even MEET #3, she just ran. Its so odd because I think #3 is sweet but cats have 6th senses so maybe I should be careful around the  maid.

Who knows.

Edit: I am also now missing something that would be VERY odd to steal. We use one of those long-handled plastic slotted cooking ladles to scoop kitty poop and its gone. I thought maybe she washed it and put it in the kitchen but its not there either. I have no idea and if she did take it thats a REALLY weird thing to take. I’m just curious, she has a cat at home herself, where does her cat poop? She doesn’t seem to understand the concept of the litterbox and she dumped trash into the box this morning. Not speaking Arabic is a huge hassle.

Shopping Shmopping

I’m not a huge fan of shopping. I know, shocking right? I’m a girl therefore I must like shopping, but in truth I find it exhausting.

So today I’m going to spend all day at Citystars!!!! Wait.. wha? I’m doing it for the Englyptian who really wanted to spend a whole girl day there so I do think it will be fun because she’s a hoot to hang out with. But I will not be spending any money except that which I can eat with because 1- I get less pay now than when I was working full time and 2- we’re trying to save for returning to the states.

Shopping sprees are not conducive to saving money.

Also since my birthday is coming up next week the plan is for Mr. MM to meet us in the evening for a birthday dinner at On The Border. Mmmmmm Tex-Mex.

Its crazy hot here, its only a quarter after nine and if I were not sitting in front of a fan I would be uncomfortable. How much does that suck? I can only pray that everything works out and we can return to the US before the real heat hits in mid-June.

Yes, newbies to Egypt, it does get hotter than this.

107? tip of the iceberg baby.

A very hot iceberg.

A hotberg.

ya ummi!

Fake People Love Fake

I think I’ve mentioned my dislike of DU’s daughters before. Maybe I didn’t make myself clear about how much I think they’re soul-less harpies, but its a lot.

DU= Downstairs Uncle, my husband’s uncle who is graciously letting us rent his flat while we’re here. I like DU, I just don’t like his daughters.

The daughters go like this: Breeze, Brooke, and Star. I’m using a loose translation of what their names mean so anyone with a good grasp on Egyptian girl names could probably figure out what they are. But thats not my problem.

I sincerely dislike them.

Today is yet another infuriating example of why that is. We have a new maid; the maid who cleans for DU is now coming to us as well which is great, I really needed her. It was established that the maid would come to me on Thursdays so yesterday I sat around waiting for her and she never came. Now anyone familiar with the normal Egyptian maid status quo is not surprised by that but I knew that it was not the maid who made the choice not to come. I was sure that Breeze had called her to go clean their flat instead. It was only my inability to gather enough energy to take the stairs that kept me from going down and knocking on their door. I wish I had so I could have given Breeze a piece of my mind when I caught her red-handed.

Maid #3 (or #3 as I will call her from now on) came this morning instead- which is huge btw because its Friday and usually the single day maids will not come unless being paid big bucks to do so- and upon arrival asked me if Breeze had called me to tell me about yesterday.

What? Breeze actually give a flying fudge about someone else’s schedule?! You must be joking. Of course she didn’t. I give mad props to #3 though who said she told Breeze to call me to let me know which takes balls, especially with the three witches of Eastwicke downstairs who have fired maids for sneezing wrong. #3 also said that if Breeze called her again like that she would call me herself instead of relying on Breeze and that she would tell her no and come to me. I don’t hold any water in that last  promise though, like I said, sneezing wrong.

I will go talk to them myself later today because this is totally keeping with their style. If anyone remembers, maid #1 was also a double-duty cleaner and more often than not she would come to me late in the evenings because Breeze would demand that she clean their flat first. So I would be waiting all day, no phone calls telling me whats going on and no consideration for my time. This worked better back then because I was under self-imposed house arrest due to culture shock so its not like I was going anywhere, but it pissed me off.

This is only the second week for #3 to come to me so its starting early and I plan to end it now before it takes hold. Thursdays will be my motherfreakin’ day or any changes will be run by me first with approval. I had planned to go to City Stars with the Englyptian yesterday- a plan that was called off due to the stomach flu- and I had told her we would have to wait to leave until after #3 came so I could let her in. Had I stuck to that plan I would have been waiting a long while although I probably would have gone downstairs before too much time had passed.

There is no one on earth who is as important as the three sisters downstairs. No one as deserving of utter servitude. The rest of us are simply bugs beneath their divine feet.

You think I’m exaggerating but I’m not. The witches will pass Mr. MM and I in their car while we are walking and carrying bags and not even break. Hell they won’t even wave to us. We are cattle. They are royalty.

If I did not owe an immense amount of loyalty and respect to DU, who is a good person even if he is weird and unobservant, I would probably spit on their shadows everytime I saw them. If they were my neighbors by virtue of me owning this flat I would leave flaming sacks of doggie-doo on their doorsteps, ring the bell, and run. I would hang dripping laundry while they were having lunch parties seated on the veranda below me (my laundry drips on their outdoor furniture.)

I am planning on introducing DU to a twit who works with me at the pathetic excuse for an English-language Institute because he wants a second wife and I can imagine no one who will make the girls’ lives more miserable than this woman. Actually thats not the only reason, she is possibly the best fit for what DU is looking for in a second wife and thats why. Thats a whole separate blog post though because I know most of you are like “WTH- isn’t Molly like crazy anti-polygyny?” Yes, but I think there are times when its either unavoidable, preferrable, or necessary. Like I said, different post.

The point is that I despise those biotches and I rarely hate anyone. Rarely.

Do you think they know I hate their guts? Not in a million years! I can fake it up with the best of them.

I hate fake people, I hate fake kisses, pretending that I like someone takes more time and energy than I can or want to expend. However I have had to become as fake as a Lebanese singer’s face since I’ve arrive in Egypt. Why? Because I don’t care what any of ya’ll say- Egypt is the hometown of the family feud. Egyptians are the queens of startin’ sh*t. Drama is the bread to their butter, the Romeo to their Juliet, the reason they wake up and breathe in the morning. When nothing happens- THEY MAKE IT UP!

Do you think anyone in Cairo knows how much I hate them except Mr. MM, myself, and now you- my readers? Nope. I plaster on a fakey smile, kiss their cheeks, act like not having seen them for two weeks has been the best worst two weeks of my life. Because the moment I tell even the closest of the family members (on this side of the family) it will be in everyone’s ear within the hour.

I don’t trust a single person on this side to keep their mouth shut. So I fake it up.

Fake people love fake.

Edit: She is such a @(#&$(ing liar! I confronted her and in one sentence she managed to say that she rang my doorbell in the morning at 4pm (how does that work?) and I didn’t answer and she called me (my number) on her father’s cell phone but Mr. MM‘s phone must have been turned off (???).

New Kid on the Block!

Hey guys check out my homegirl Holly, I call her the Meximerican Muslimah because she is my sister from another mister. The coffee to my cream. I should say the original Multicultural Muslimah but I took the name first .

She’s a new convert, although she’s been making her way there for a long time, so head over and give her some blog love. She’s had a helluva ride, seriously, but she’s la mera survivor and the strongest chick I know. She is awesome and I love her to death, so should you.

Ps- she is also one of the most beautiful women on earth, mashAllah, and wallahi I’m not exaggerating. I think a good handful of you already know her from myspace and know what I’m talking about. Chica could give Angelina Jolie a complex.