It’s a Cold World, Charlie Brown

Thank God I have a paying temporary job but holy hannah is it hard finding a permanent one!

I’ve been applying to all sorts of jobs but haven’t heard a single call. I think a huge part of it is that for 45% of the jobs I’m over-qualified and 45% of them I’m under-qualified.

Dear Corporate HR Manager,

If I need 3-5 years of experience for an entry-level position, what is the new “entry-level’?

Of Mice and M… Cats.

My mom, despite her cat allergy, wanted me to bring Zuzu to the states with us in order to be a mouser.

That means then that Zuzu is allowed to live here contingent on her ability to catch mice. (Officially- but I know that no matter how much Mr. MM threatens to throw her out he secretly loves her and never would. Also I’d kill him.)

The reason my mom wants a mouser is because last winter she had a horrible infestation of mice and she’s expecting a repeat invasion this winter as well. *shudder* We all were hoping that simply the smell and presence of Zuzu would keep the mice at bay but no, sadly not.

One night we were all sitting and watching a movie when we heard the tinkling of Zuzu’s belled collar punctuated by an odd squeaking noise that sounded something like an ungreased wheel. We three turned to see Zuzu march into the livingroom with a mouse in her mouth.

ZUZU’S A MOUSER!

…well sort of.

She seemed startled by our sudden attention and she ran up into our bedroom with the mouse in tow.

Into our bedroom.

With the  mouse.

@&#^$^#&!@

Into our bedroom where she then proceeded to lose, find, lose again, find again, and ultimately lose the mouse.

*sigh*

It did help us identify a mouse bolthole that we were able to plug up and we’re hoping she injured it enough for it to die later.

But what makes me the most frustrated is that my darling cat will do the famous death shake while eating her dry food- and thereby spread bits of crunched cat chow far and wide- but she can’t see to snap the neck of a mouse with the same maneuver.

Arg.

On the one hand I’m hoping she figures out that mice are to be killed and how to do so, but on the other I’m hoping the mouse that got whooped will go back to his buddies and spread the horror story so that none of them come back.

I know it’s a pipe dream but what can I say?

My cat catches mice…

And then lets them go.

The Last Hurrah

I’ve been so focused on other things recently that I really have neglected this blog. I feel uninspired and uninspiring so I didn’t know what there was to blog about.

I’m focusing on writing and reading and searching for jobs and as of tomorrow I will be gainfully employed- thank GOD! It is only a temp job doing the same thing I was doing when I started this blog two years ago- so that kind of sucks. However its work and its money and I can always continue looking for a professional job. InshAllah.

I have so much on my mind, so much that I’m holding my breath for, that there is not much room left.

I’m taking a continuing ed class in writing. Its actually too easy- meant for those who have never written before- but its something to do.

I’m still studying for the GREs but that’s fallen a bit off to the side.

The man is studying all of his stuff and I’m trying to be there to support him in that.

What am I doing? I don’t know. Its not that I’m depressed really cuz I’m not. Its more that I’m so anxious… no. Not that either.

What? What?

I don’t know.

THAT’s my problem. I just don’t know.

I think its that I don’t know if I’m going to get into the program.

And if I don’t get into the program I just don’t know what I’m going to do.

I don’t know if I’m going to find a professional job. And if I do I don’t know if I’m going to like it.

I don’t know if Mr. MM is going to get into the program he’s going to be applying for and if he doesn’t I don’t know what we’re going to do.

Its so huge. They’re so monstrous.

I DON’T KNOW.

Its a huge chasm that I can’t get around.

I can just pray through it.

Have You Seen This Blogger?

Ok, ok, don’t put my face on any milk cartons. I’m sorry I’ve been away.

Unfortunately I don’t foresee any change in this blogging pattern coming. I’m so sorry.

Right now not only is it Ramadan (Ramadan Kareem btw!) but I am studying my little tail off for the GREs which I want to take inshAllah before October. My mom is studying for her boards. And Mr. MM is studying all things law, English, and legal English related for the TOEFL and the LSATs.

We’re just a houseful of studious studiers.

I just don’t have the time.

Its not that I have given up on or forsaken blogging, I will return inshAllah, its just that right now there are things much more important for me to be doing.

Like playing vocabsushi.com.

Taking practice quizzes and tearing my hair out over the analogy questions.

Reading books that will inspire me to write for my portfolio.

Creating a portfolio.

All while fasting and sleeping here and there in 2-3 hour intervals.

Me so tired.

So, I’m sorry. Don’t send any search parties, I’m fine.

Just busy.

Mea culpa, please forgive me.

The Prodigal Daughter

So I typed a ton and then ctrl z’d to try to return a sentence I deleted but instead z’d away half of the post. That was so much fun.

*sigh*

I know I should have come on and posted that we arrived home but we really hit the ground running.

Gah ok, I don’t know if I can re-type this whole post again, and moreover, who is going to read it? Do I have anyone left still reading my blog? Does it matter? Should I keep blogging?

Or can we get into the nitty gritty? Can I do away with the niceties?

We’re doing awesome back home, alhumdulillah. Mr. MM is fitting in great, my family loves him, he likes America (although he already misses home and definitely misses his family as do I,) and he’s really fitting in well in the Ummah* here. The ummah is even better than I remember it being and this actually is a portion of why I titled this post the prodigal daughter despite the overt ties to Christianity that the reference has- so remember this.

Zuzu is doing well and learning the joy of the feline art of sitting in windows. For whatever reason windows in Egypt don’t have sills the way windows here do and Zuzu, having discovered this new past time, will meow at us until we open a window for her to sit in. She is now collared (man was that HILARIOUS watching her try to get it off in the beginning) and wears a bell now so I know where she is. There are so many, many more hiding places for her here so its handy. Right now she is thundering up and down the stairs behind me sounding like nothing so much as a herd of elephants wearing jingle bells. I just don’t understand how such a tiny cat can make so much noise.

About the move here: alhumdulillah it has gone so, so well. God has blessed us most certainly by making it very smooth and very easy. I need to remember that more.

There was re-entry shock for sure for me and a good amount of shock for Mr. MM as well but what surprised me was that we felt it for the same reasons and I had expected something different. Or maybe I should say that I never expected that I would be so affected by one thing: space. I never realized how accustomed I had become to the tight spaces of the tall buildings and the confines of the crowded city. Ten days after we arrived home we took a road trip to South Dakota (don’t ask. Isn’t visting Mt. Rushmore on the top ten list of most American things one can do? Right next to eating apple pie and watching baseball, right?) and our first night on the foothills of the Custer Nat’l Park I could barely hold down the heebie jeebies. It was so much space. So much open space. It was almost crushing the amount of open space there was around us and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I longed for the comfort of dirt-streaked apartment buildings and the crush of people- the very things I had a hard time dealing with while in Egypt.

Isn’t it odd the things we become used to? How familiar and comforting they become.

For Mr. MM he kept commenting on how empty St. Paul seemed in comparison to Cairo, he even began to call it a ghost town. But after seeing the desolate emptiness of the Dakota prairies I haven’t heard it again, lol. A day or two of being in SD helped me get over my fear of wide open spaces and I’m back to normal and Mr. MM has a healthy respect for how populationless an area really can be. It is still hard to be somewhere and have no one on the streets though and its infuriating how early things close here. 9 pm?!?!? come on!!!!!!

Most of all its unsettling for me to return to someplace so familiar to me when I feel like a completely different person. On the one hand I feel as if my time in Egypt had simply been a dream, that I never left, and my memories of being there play in my mind as if I had watched them in a movie rather than lived them myself. Its like I fit, but don’t fit. Its familiar but not. It hasn’t changed but I have. Its utterly disconcerting.

Do I miss Egypt? Yes, but I missed it before I even left. Am I glad to be home? Most resoundingly yes. Do I want to hop back on a plane and return right now? No, but then again I haven’t been home very long and I’m still greatly enjoying the convenience and efficiency of the American way. Ask me again in January when its -1000 F outside and I might have a different answer.

And yet there are so many maddening moments where I think to myself, “what have I done? why am I here? Did I make the right choice?”

Ironically those were the same thoughts I had when I first moved to Egypt too so maybe its standard in all international moves.

Mostly I wonder if I’m still cut out for the same relationships, expectations, fictions, and social-dances I did when here before. There’s so much at stake, can I really afford to be here with people who remember me before Islam and people who could do me damage if they wanted to? I’m more afraid of the evil-eye here than I ever was in Egypt and if I believed in it I would cover myself, my husband, and our marriage in blue eye-beads.

I just have to remember that God has protected and guided us this far, all we can do is submit.

Why did I call this post the prodigal daughter? Maybe I wasn’t away spending my inheritence but I am home again because being here, poor and helpless, is better than being away.

My Islam is so much stronger here than it was in Egypt. I know, right? Weird. People make hijrah simply because they feel that it will make them better Muslims. I, honestly, feel happier and more pushed to practice here than I did over there and I think it has to do with the Muslims around me. Its so taken for granted in Egypt and here it has to be a conscious decision to be a practicing Muslim. Maybe it has to do with my connections to the ummah with my friends and my walee’s** family. In coming home I feel like I’m returning to Islam.

My fears and uncertainties are unfounded and most likely born out of my re-entry shock. I’m still sideways from my return from Wonderland so everything seems out of place.

I’m still a big Alice in a room of tiny chairs.

 

* Ummah means community of Muslims. It encompasses the whole of the world-wide Muslim community but can be used in reference to the local community on its own.

** Walee means guardian or father-figure. The closest example would be godfather.

Counting down

Because I am so completely disorganized I’m going to be really random.

Last night Mr. MM and I went to Khan el Khalili to pick up a few items to bring to the states. Ok, I’ll admit it- it was actually clothes for me. I’m supposed to be getting rid of stuff, not buying more, I know. But these are things we cannot find in the states so I think its ok.

I was sitting out front of a store right next to Al-Hussein mosque, right near the area that was bombed earlier this year, not thinking about anything and waiting for Mr. MM to come back from running to an ATM when someone lit off a REALLY SUPER LOUD firework. I almost had a heart attack.

Who lights off fireworks near a bomb site? Who?

The weird thing is that before I heard the firework I hadn’t given a single thought to the bombing. I didn’t remember it.

It took me minutes to remember how to breathe.

Not cool, yo.

Not enough days left before we leave. I’m focusing on trying to clean out the fridge and cupboards so our dinner tonight is a soup made of frozen veggies that may have been here almost as long as we have, some cracked wheat, the last half of a jar of pasta sauce, and the last potatoes and one carrot I had.

Thing is, I don’t know what I have left to make tomorrow!

There is also camel meat, but I’m not enthusiastic about cooking it. It’s not my fave.

Oh, that reminds me, I never got a chance to drink camel’s milk. Must remind Mr. MM to bring it home.

Hm….

Sweating It

In spite of the fact that I did not sleep much last night I am still up and sleepless tonight. Why? I don’t know, but I’m uneasy.

I’m nervous about moving home, nervous about how we’ll do there, nervous about how I’ll feel there, nervous about how much I’ve changed.

I’m worried about culture shock for Mr. MM and re-entry shock for me.

I’m so excited to go home, believe me. I’m so excited to see my family and friends.

I think a part of it is that so much of my life before this was “just for now” and going back to the US is going to be “reality” or “forever.” We were so unsettled before this and now we have to figure out this whole settling thing- jobs, life, responsibility, real repercussions.

We have so much to do yet here, and so little time- while in the same instant if we needed we could have everything done in two days. Its the good-byes; I want more time for good-byes.

My nieces and nephews will not be this age forever and having only married Mr. MM two years ago I already missed so much of their lives. Will the twins remember us the next time we see them? Will they remember rolling around on the bed with Mr. MM and I tag-team tickling them? Will Ganna remember that she’s mine and Nour remember that she’s Mr. MM’s?

Yaso won’t remember us at all, he’s much too young.

How long will it be before we see them again? Its just so hard.

I don’t want to live here but I don’t want to say good-bye.

I’m sad, and I’m worried. I’m sweating- physically and mentally.

Its hot here, like crazy hot. A huge part of me is glad we won’t be here for Ramadan cuz I can barely stand cooking in this heat while not fasting- I can’t imagine doing it while thirsty. No. Thanks.

I never imagined that I could sweat from that many parts of my body. Seriously. I now sweat in places I’ve never sweated before and I’ve actually gotten used to being so sweaty that my clothes are drenched.

Sexy sexy, right?

But for real, I never liked to sweat before- not that I like it now believe me- and I would always cease and desist whatever action made me sweat in the first place. Unfortunately I cannot cease and desist being in Cairo (at least not until August 5th) so I have to just sweat. And sweat.

Alternately I wonder how Mr. MM will enjoy being in a place where sweating profusely is by choice and mostly done in a gym.

Zuzu is doing good. There’s so much random stuff about her I want to blog on like how she’s gotten so big and that she’s become really vocal with me again. We ‘talk’ back and forth again and most of her interaction with me is punctuated by trills, chortles, and copious meowing. Except her WTF face when she watches me shower or take baths. She is fascinated with the concept and yet hates water. Also she likes to rub up against me when I’ve just gotten out and my legs are still wet. Then she runs away complaining about the water. Every shower. As soon as I step out I hear her in the doorway chortling and chirping and if I -how dare I?- shut the door she yowls outside until I open it.

We were able to exchange the carrier, thank God. This one now is the right size but SO SMALL. I just feel horrible putting Zuzu in it for 12 freaking hours. We also bought a craptastic kitty leash for way too much money. I think I’ll be returning it if I can find another one. Putting it on her was HILARIOUS. At one point she was literally turning sommersaults in the air trying to get it off. I have to get her a better one though, for real. It is just not going to work for us.

Right now she is playing with her beloved bottle caps, I think her life will be so empty in the states without tile flooring and cheap bits of plastic. I hope that jingle balls on carpet will help to fill the void but I’ll be bringing a stash of hayah bottle tops back with me because those are her favorites, no lie.

Also the Barefoot Empress witnessed her playing fetch with me this evening. I have witnesses that Zuzu plays with me like a puppy.

Zuzu also tries to climb into our luggage; she particularly likes it when the top is down and there are clothes piled on top so she has to dig her way in. Is this normal cat behaviour? All we will see is the mound of clothes on top quivering, the luggage shaking, and Zuzu’s hind end sticking out.

Yes we have attempted to zip her up inside, and no we have not succeeded. She’s too quick. Right now she is trying to work the zipper so she can get into one of the bags; if she had opposable thumbs we would be in trouble.

Hahaha, I just remembered one time that we had an empty suitcase standing up and she climbed on and somehow managed to tip it over on top of her so she was trapped inside. I had no idea what had made the suitcase fall until I heard her pitiful cries coming from inside.

Ah, I may have bored some of you to tears by talking way too much about my cat but it was theraputic enough for me to now think about going to sleep.

First of course I will be tossing B’rincess Zuzu out of the room with her clackity clacking bottle caps.

Masr’s Parting Blow

So I’m sitting here in my room, which is chaos amid packing, with no a/c and some food poisoning that just won’t go away. Not only am I dealing with painful stomach cramps but now, with the cool air kaput, sweating. I would like to continue packing however I just can’t do it.

I was sifting through my books today and I just have too many that I want to bring with me and thats not even looking at what Mr. MM wants to bring with him. I just don’t know if we’re going to be able to work under airline weight restrictions but I can’t imagine how much shipping is going to cost. I’ll obviously need to make a few painful decisions regarding the reading material but whats holding me back is the hassle and improbability of finding English-translated Arabic novels. *sigh*

There’s so much stuff to figure out and I just don’t have time to be sick. Gah.

I’ve got to take brincess Zuzu to get her rabies shots and a certificate from ye olde local vet. I’ll be taking her back to the vet who couldn’t cure her stomach problems -I’m sure you all remember this fiasco- only because he’s mad experienced with taking animals overseas. If only homeboy would answer my text message dammit.

Zuzu is, and this isn’t just a proud cat-mommy talking, like super insanely intelligent. I just adore her. She plays fetch! All. The. Time. She brings her bottle cap into the bathroom for me to throw from the toilet for her; talk about inopportune moments.

She’s totally awesome though, alhumdulillah, she is my cat-shaped shadow and is almost always in whatever room I am in.

I’m worried about the flight with her. She’s not a vocal cat so I’m not too worried about her crying a lot in the flight but I’m sad that I’ll have to keep her in her carrier for so freaking long.

She and Mr. MM, poor kittens, are going to both be flying for the first time and their very first flight will be 12.5 hours long. Thats a really, really long flight. And then we’ll have a 7 hour layover (!!!) to contend with before the very short 4 hour flight to MSP.

Since we’re laying over in NYC, Mr. MM wants to take advantage of our super long stay to leave the airport and see a bit of the big apple. I’m all over the idea except that I’m nervous that something would go wrong and we’d miss our flight/not be able to get back through security/something else totally horrific.

Hopefully at some point, somewhere, we’d be able to find poor Zuzu a nice big pile of sand to do her business in. She’s a very fastidious cat and I just don’t know that she would be ok with letting loose on the shredded newspaper in her pet carrier. I can imagine that she would keep her legs crossed, figuratively, until she found a proper place to pee no matter how painful/detrimental it might be. I do intend to cut back on her food intake 24 hours before the flight and hopefully that will help.

Can anyone who has travelled long distances with pets help me out with some friendly advice? I plan on paying the fee and bringing her into the cabin with me.

I’m just thinking how deja vu’ey this last month of being here is. Around this time in ‘07 I got food poisoning and now I have it again- except like way, way worse. Top it all off with a regurgitation of some drama that happened at the same time in ‘07 and its almost like emotional food poisoning. No hard feelings, but it just makes me remember how disgusting some people are, really. But it’s just so coincidental that all this is coming back around. I guess you could consider it full circle.

I was really hoping I’d be over this stupid food poisoning and the way its lingering makes me wonder if it was food poisoning or if it’s something more sinister. Anyone know how long FP is supposed to last? Have I finally contracted some horrible Egyptian disease that causes me perpetual emergency bathroom runs and nausea?

To everyone who is feverishly typing ‘are you sure you’re not pregnant?’ into my comment box right now: yes, yes I’m sure I’m not pregnant.

I really want to be over this now kthanxbai.

And eff the a/c! Dear God why? Three more weeks! Three more weeks please!!

Man… I have so much to think about, and plan, and do.

Home is where the heart is.

It is really suprising me how sad am I am to be leaving Egypt. Can you believe it? I can’t.

I know that I have blogged before on how living in Egypt is like a drug addiction for me: its bad for my health and I don’t want it but I can’t imagine being without it. I’m going to miss so many things here, so many.And that’s not even stopping to consider the people I’m going to miss. That will be the hardest.

Riding my last commute home from 6th of October I took in as much as I could of the views: the pyramids, the desert, the Nile, and how from one point on the ring road you can see from the river all the way to the Mohamed Ali mosque in the distance. It really hurts to realize that I won’t be here.

I do so really want to go home though, and I know that if I considered staying I would lose all of these nostalgic thoughts.

Let’s list things I’m looking forward to going home to (not including family which is so obvious I don’t need to list it):

- Food food food food food food food food.Uh, food.

Prime rib steak with horseradish sauce! Ah! Pizza, chicken strips with honey mustard sauce, cheesecake, mac and cheese, mozzerella/monterrey jack/cheddar cheese, campbell’s soup, gas station cappuccinos (yep you read that right,) those little packages of powdered doughnuts you can buy for 50 cents, sour cream, reese’s pieces, cereal, and gatorade.

Ya’ll that’s like a drop in the bucket of all the food I am looking forward to eating again. Also now that I’ve written it down I realize that I’ll have to pace myself or I’ll turn into the goodyear blimp.

But there’s so much food I’ll miss from here too. Ma7shi, all kinds of ma7shi. Thankfully my grandma makes some awesome cabbage rolls. I’ll miss the fruits and vegetables. I’m so waiting to be able to stuff myself silly with figs before I leave. Mmmm figs. I’ll miss my mil’s food because she is positively gourmet mashAllah. Her food is so good. I’ll miss how good the produce tastes here.

- Driving with traffic laws.

You know it. I’m also hard core looking forward to having a car again, I really missed that freedom.

- Libraries.

Oh, free books! I’m so excited. And B&N bookstores where I can buy myself a latte and  go sit in a corner of the store with a book off the bookshelf.

- Clean parks.

I miss clean parks. I miss green. I miss being able to walk down a sidewalk without having to hold my breath because countless disgusting pigs have peed in corners and on the walls. And driving down roads without having to avert my eyes because of the people urinating in public. On one morning commute I basically had to stop looking out the window because I’d seen so many of them. It’s disgusting. Shame on all of them.

Why am I going to miss Egypt? It’s things like that which really make me want to go home.

- Movie theaters.

Clean ones.

- Walmart! God, I miss Walmart.

For obvious reasons.

- Cub Foods.

Same.

- Friday prayer khutbas in English.

Word. I want to go to jummah again.

- Movie rental stores!

Man I can’t wait to have movie nights!

- Food/People/Restaurant diversity.

I want to be able to go eat Mexican one night, Vietnamese the next night, and felafel if I want to. I hate the lack of diversity here.

- Alright, I have to say it. I straight up miss my family.

I miss my mom and my grandparents, my dad, my cousins. I miss Oogie and the Pampered Chef. Aunt Bonita and Uncle M and playing hand and foot. I miss family barebques and reunions, I miss summer picnics and bonfires. I miss the lakes and the rivers and the U of M campus.

I miss my friends at the mosque and I’m still devastated that the Divine Miss M moved to Florida but she comes home a lot. I miss Dinkytown and Downtown Mlps and StP. I miss Central Ave and Holy Land. I miss my walee and his family.

But oh, I’m going to miss my in-laws. I’ll miss the twins and my sils and my mil (and her food!.) I’ll miss my neices and nephews so much, so so much. God, I want to cry. I’ll miss them teasing me in Arabic and only understanding half of it. I’ll miss going to their houses and being fed. I’ll miss the adhan and seeing mosques everywhere.

I’ll miss the dirt and garbage. The street cats and dogs. I’ll miss how alive this place makes me feel. Alive because everything is reduced to necessities and life just wouldn’t be this hard if you weren’t alive. It’s a euphoria, it’s heady this mix of passionate love and hate. It’s raw and unapologetic. It’s the sheer history of ages and history being made. It’s rich and poor scrambling for the same prize. It’s brutal and magnificent.

It’s the worst and the best of everything this world has to offer and as much as I loathe it I know that I will never be the same.

And I know that every day I’m home, and as happy as I will be there, at least half of my heart will be broken and left here. And I hate it, but it is what it is.

I belong here as much as I belong there.

Best.News.Ever.

So I’ve been itching to blog about everything thats been going on but I didn’t want to jinx it. Evil eye it. Fudge it up. Etc.

But now- alhumdulillah!- everything has fallen into place so I can scream it from the rooftops:

Mr. MM and I are moving to the US inshAllah the beginning of August!

I’m so friggin’ excited. For real.

Its bittersweet as Mr. MM must needs leave his family behind as I left mine- the bane of all international marriages- and I will miss them a lot as well.

Its true that I hate living here and have had a difficult time with many things about Egypt. But like so many foreigners, and even Egyptians, before me I have mixed feelings for this terrible and wonderful land. I love Egypt very much but I can’t stand it at the same time. Living here has been the most wonderful and awful experience combined.

And the thought of going home- dear God! It makes me ’bout levitate every time I think about it.

There’s so much to do, so much to think about, so much to worry about, and so much to plan.

I’ll miss you Um ad-Dunya*, I’ll miss you as much as I’ll be happy to be away from you.

le sigh

* The Arab world calls Egypt ‘Um ad-Dunya’ which means ‘Mother of the World’ as Egypt has been the cradle of civilization since, oh, FOREVER.